House of Ruth

Jennifer’s Story

Jennifer’s Story

31-year-old Jennifer* came to the Domestic Violence Support Center (DVSC) for help in dealing with conflict with her husband and her concerns about how this impacted her small children. It didn’t take long for Jennifer to see that she was married to a highly verbally abusive partner, and had become depressed and increasingly isolated from others outside of her immediate family. Like many clients, Jennifer felt embarrassed about her own behavior, blamed herself for any conflict in the home with her partner, and had trouble talking about it. Addressing this shame head-on in counseling had the effect of liberating Jennifer from its toxic effects.

After about a month into working with her DVSC counselor, Jennifer reported it was as though a one-hundred pound weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Once she began to believe that her experiences were common and that her responses to them were understandable and not “crazy,” Jennifer felt less depressed and less isolated. She began socializing more with others outside of her family, and she also felt a greater capacity to explore her marital conflict and consider all her options for changing her situation.

*Name has been changed.

Catherine’s Story

38-year-old Catherine* came to the Domestic Violence Support Center (DVSC) for help separating from a long-term physically and verbally abusive relationship. Like many clients who seek services at the DVSC, Catherine described her boyfriend as very controlling through most of the relationship, with occasional escalations to physical violence. Recently when talk of separating was broached, her boyfriend vandalized her property, harassed her workplace with malicious calls, threatened suicide, or promised to kill her if she ever took legal action against him—in effect punishing Catherine for any attempt to separate from him.

Understandably, Catherine initially presented as very anxious, felt discouraged in pursuing any of the various legal options available to her, and felt hopeless about her situation ever changing. Instead of focusing on “taking action” (which Catherine made clear she was not ready to do), her DVSC counselor first focused on understanding her very long-standing anxious thinking style, especially as it related to her sense of self and her own capacities in life.

Over a few months, Catherine came to feel less anxious and more empowered, which led to her taking several actions against her abusive boyfriend that rendered him unable to contact her without very serious legal and professional consequences for him. Feeling safer and less anxious, Catherine has since turned her attention in counseling to understanding some of her longstanding ways of relating to others, especially in intimate partner relationships, and has become especially interested in the impact some of her early childhood experiences have had on her ways of relating.

Through counseling, Catherine has been able to achieve a much higher degree of freedom in her life and has cultivated a renewed feeling of hope about her future.

*Name has been changed.

Jenny’s Story

31-year-old Jenny* sought counseling services at the Domestic Violence Support Center (DVSC) after a long stint of counseling elsewhere. Jenny felt concerned that her previous counselor was frustrated with her “lack of progress.” Jenny is a survivor of prolonged childhood abuse and neglect, and when she started services at the DVSC she was still living with some of the abusive family members she grew up with.

Jenny was suffering from depressed mood and panic attacks on a regular basis. She experienced extreme social anxiety (making it difficult for her to leave her home), and reported a phobic anxiety of driving. Jenny noted that overcoming her driving phobia had been a goal of hers since she got her license as a teenager, but her anxiety had only grown worse over the years. She also reported a less concrete goal of moving away from her family, but admitted to feelings of guilt and obligation were “keeping her there.”

Working with her counselor, Jenny prepared and executed a plan to buy a car for herself. She created and implemented a plan with her counselor to stick to a driving schedule to practice her skills and gradually become less anxious behind the wheel.

At present, Jenny is driving several times a week and is able to access more resources for herself and spend more time away from home, which she has reported is helpful to her mental health. Additionally, Jenny has begun talking more seriously about her long-term goal of moving out of her family’s apartment and living independently.

*Name has been changed.

Megan’s Story

34-year-old Megan* came to the Domestic Violence Support Center (DVSC) six months ago because she recognized some unhealthy patterns in her relationships. Although Megan had never experienced physical violence in an intimate relationship, after she got divorced last year she realized in retrospect the relationship had been emotionally abusive. Her needs were often dismissed and disregarded by her then-husband.

After her divorce, Megan dated a man who often openly flirted with other women when they were together. He was not interested in Megan’s work accomplishments, her personal interests, or in meeting her friends. He often misled her or lied to her about what he was doing and who he was with. Upon intake at the DVSC, Megan completed the Trauma Symptom Checklist (TSC), which is widely used to evaluate symptoms connected with childhood or adult traumatic experiences. Megan’s initial score was 67 (of a possible 120), indicating that Megan was experiencing a variety of symptoms.

In the first couple of months of her work with her DVSC counselor, Megan was surprised to find herself exploring her experiences in her early life, and even more surprised to find that her feelings of being dismissed, unimportant, and ‘invisible’ in her family growing up were many of the same feelings she had in her adult relationships. Megan and her counselor worked to understand how triggers from adult relationships were stirring things up from earlier in her life, and how she might be able to prevent that from continuing to happen.

After two months of working with her counselor, Megan’s TSC score improved to 44. Megan was reporting far fewer and less severe symptoms. For another four months Megan and her counselor worked to enact the strategies they identified as useful in helping Megan cultivate relationships where she felt seen, understood, and valued.

After six months, Megan completed the TSC again and scored a 22. Her symptoms have been largely reduced and she is working on consolidating the gains she made in counseling and enjoying the higher quality of relationships in her life.

*Name has been changed.

Desiree’s Story

54-year-old Desiree* was referred to the Domestic Violence Support Center (DVSC) by another social service agency in DC where she had been receiving counseling services. Desiree has a long history of abuse beginning early in her life, continuing through adolescence when she was placed with an abusive foster family after her mother died from a drug overdose, and into adulthood with several extremely violent intimate partner relationships. Despite a full year of working with her counselor at her previous agency, Desiree was still suffering from significant post-traumatic symptoms, was having to be hospitalized regularly, and was struggling to maintain her sobriety from alcohol and PCP.

When Desiree came to the DVSC she had little insight into her post-traumatic symptoms. She was referred to our expert counselors at DVSC specifically for help with managing extreme post-traumatic hyper-arousal and dissociation, an area of expertise that she could not receive from the counselor at her previous agency. Over the course of several months, Desiree’s counselor at the DVSC was able to provide education regarding the nature of traumatic hyper-arousal and dissociation, as well as some concrete coping strategies, that helped Desiree have a better understanding of what she was going through and begin to be able to manage her symptoms.

After 11 months of treatment at the DVSC, Desiree has reduced her need for emergency care and hospitalization from once every 6 weeks (before DVSC) to only once in the last 7 months. As a result of the specialized services that Desiree was able to access at the DVSC, she is now more able to fully engage in substance abuse treatment services and work with her AA/NA sponsor. This is enabling Desiree to better maintain her sobriety.

Desiree is also attending a day treatment program for trauma survivors, a setting that she was previously unable to tolerate. Despite her gains, the severity of Desiree’s trauma history and symptoms suggest she will benefit from ongoing therapy for years to come. In Desiree’s words, “It’s nice to know that for once someone isn’t going to try and get rid of me.”

*Name has been changed.

Tonya’s Story

36-year-old Tonya* came to House of Ruth’s Domestic Violence Support Center (DVSC) to address feelings of depression related to a recent miscarriage, along with concerns about her relationship with a highly physically and verbally abusive boyfriend. Like many clients who seek services at the DVSC, Tonya felt unable to discuss her circumstances with family or friends due to fear of criticism, judgment, and condemnation.

Throughout her therapy, Tonya consistently remarked that her trust in the therapist helped her “think through” her relationship difficulties. For example, with the therapist’s help, Tonya has spent time evaluating her boyfriend’s potential for violence and identifying ways to maintain her safety. She has also explored deeply-held negative beliefs about herself, and began cultivating more self-appreciation and acceptance.

Through her work with her DVSC therapist, Tonya has become increasingly able to confidently oppose her boyfriend’s threats and intimidation, specifically through the use of legal resources and law enforcement. In addition, she has made great strides in building a fulfilling life away from her boyfriend, by expanding her social support network, participating in organized athletic activities, securing a promotion in her career, and recently adopting a pet dog.

*Name has been changed.

Stories of Hope: Aleya

Aleya’s Story of Hope is the twelfth in our Stories of Hope video series. Aleya shares how she was married for seven years, and left her abusive situation and came to House of Ruth this past July with her three children. Aleya shares how the House of Ruth staff helped guide her through the process and helped her gain stability and structure in the lives of her and her children, and built back their sense of independence.

Through the many resources provided at House of Ruth, Aleya talks about the positive impact on her children, who are no longer afraid – they can just be themselves again, as kids. She proudly shares that her son is on the honor roll at school, and despite the occasional flashbacks to their past trauma, they are reassured by the stability and safety they found at House of Ruth, and continue to progress in their healing process.

Aleya is now a certified medication technician, and feels positive about her future. Aleya talks to her House of Ruth case manager on a regular basis, whenever she needs to talk about anything and everything, which Aleya notes is extremely helpful to her.

Ashley’s Story

23 year-old Ashley* sought counseling at House of Ruth’s Domestic Violence Support Center (DVSC) after an incident with her then-boyfriend, an incident which she was having difficulty processing on her own. Ashley had no history of counseling and was, in her own words, “very bad” at emotional language. Ashley struggled with labeling and acknowledging her emotions, an issue which created many problems for her throughout her life, including stunted relationships and poor boundaries with others.

Over the course of her work at the DVSC, Ashley has been able to develop an emotional vocabulary and to recognize and label emotions as she experiences them. Using her new awareness, Ashley has also been able to examine past events and process them more productively.

Most recently, Ashley and her counselor have begun working through some highly traumatic events from her past that Ashley admits have gone unacknowledged in any meaningful way until this point in her life. She has formed a strong working bond with her DVSC counselor and attends her weekly sessions devotedly, despite acknowledging that she finds the process challenging and uncomfortable.

*Name has been changed.

Tina’s Story

28 year-old Tina* was referred to the Domestic Violence Support Center (DVSC) by the District of Columbia Child and Family Services Agency. When Tina came to the DVSC, her children had been out of her care for nearly 14 months. Her two children, ages three and four years old, had been placed in a foster care setting after an anonymous report led police to discover she had left them in her apartment unattended while they were sleeping. At the time, Tina had gone to meet the children’s father because he said he wanted to give her some things he had gotten for the children. Tina later discovered that he was the one who had called the police to report her absence.

Despite her anger, and the court’s concern that her interactions with their father jeopardized the well-being of the children, Tina struggled to limit her contact with him, and to complete the parenting classes and counseling required for her to regain custody of her children. However, once she connected with the DVSC, Tina was able to focus her energies on taking care of herself and completing the requirements to reunify with her children.

On reflecting with her counselor, Tina realized it was her lifelong history of abusive relationships, and fear of parenting on her own, that kept her tied to her children’s father. By working with her DVSC counselor, Tina was able to break down the process of completing the court-ordered services into manageable goals, and create specific strategies for staying on track. Tina was also able to see increasingly how her children’s father had sabotaged her efforts to parent, work, and further her education by constantly creating ‘fires’ for her to put out. As a result, Tina and her counselor developed some concrete strategies for helping her to take care of herself and her children first, and their father secondarily, if at all.

Tina’s gains came quickly, after only six months working with her counselor, she was able to set and continue supporting stronger boundaries, and allow her to allocate her resources in a way that would be most beneficial to her and her children in the long run.

*Name has been changed.

Stories of Hope: Serena

Serena’s Story of Hope is the eleventh in our Stories of Hope video series. Serena opens her story by sharing that her parents were alcoholics, and she herself used heroin, marijuana and cocaine. Despite going to several different drug treatment programs, Serena kept relapsing because she admits she wasn’t ready to surrender and give up drugs. But one day she woke up, and finally had enough: she couldn’t do it anymore.

Serena came to House of Ruth because she was homeless. Before she found House of Ruth, she was sleeping in cars, as her mother had died in 1993, and since then had nowhere to go. Serena’s brothers and sisters didn’t want her to stay with them, as she was still using drugs at the time.

But everything changed when she got a call from House of Ruth, which Serena shares was the best thing that happened to her in her life. She has been with House of Ruth ever since, and loves and appreciates the staff.

Serena ends her story by sharing that one her brothers, whom she used to do heroin with, had since passed away. So now Serena is living for her brother as well as herself, and is no longer using drugs. Her focus now is to be a grandmother and mother to her kids.

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