Kendra* was 62 years old when she turned to our Domestic Violence Support Center for help. “I was ready to call it quits with my husband,” she says.
Although she did not label her relationship as abusive, she often felt unsafe in her own home. A military veteran, her husband suffered from nightmares. They caused him to thrash around in his sleep…sometimes hitting or kicking Kendra. Arguments with her husband would escalate, and she would shut down…disconnecting emotionally.
At House of Ruth’s Domestic Violence Support Center, Kendra met a counselor who helped her to explore her waking interactions with her husband. Kendra soon saw a link between her fears of abandonment and her past: her fears stemmed from having an absent father as a teen and an abrupt ending to her first marriage. She was able to acknowledge a sense of hurt and vulnerability that she connected to her tendency to “shut down” in her current relationship. With this information, Kendra was able to try new ways of expressing herself to her husband. Instead of disconnecting emotionally, she shared how she was feeling.
“I have never seen my husband react the way he did when I expressed my feelings,” she shares. “He just softened.”
Her husband expressed an openness to change. Kendra asked her counselor for help in supporting her husband as he sought to address his own trauma from the military. She learned mindfulness strategies that she and her husband practiced together before sleep.
After her time with the Support Center, Kendra is optimistic and hopeful that she and her husband will be able to continue their life together in a healthier way.
*Name has been changed to protect privacy.
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